Day 21

Awww it's raining today. Normally I love the rain. I love the sound it makes on a pitched roof. I love the cloudy skies, the cooler weather. I love the puddles. But today it has trapped me in the house with nothing to do but think.

One thing I love about rainy days is it is a chance to cuddle and watch movies.

well....yeah missing my cuddle person.
I know you guys are thinking, "do that with the girls", but it's not the same. I love my kids but when we cuddle I am comforting them. I need someone to comfort me.

One of the first things I loved about Jay was how secure I felt in his arms. How he made everything seem like it will be ok. He has always been my biggest cheer section. It never mattered what he was cheering about... he cheered me on about my not so pretty pregnancies, anxiety over this or that, jobs, life, friends, family. He was always there.

except when he is deployed....

He does call but its not the same as when he just holds me and lets me cry, eventually turning my tears into a smile.

Today I feel like I have lots of regrets. While I love SC, I really do. I miss my friends, my family. They were reliable and there for me...a lot like Jay. They support me and cheer me on, rally the troops so to say.
I know tomorrow will be better, the sun will be out and it will be a bright day. But today I want to join mother nature and cry. I cry for my husband who I need so badly and miss so very much. I cry cause I realize its only been three weeks and we have 49 left. I cry because I want to be working and feel discouraged. I cry cause I miss my friends, I miss Starbucks mornings and Ramon's dinner. I miss my Mom. I cry cause the only relationship I have with people over 9 is my phone and my computer.

This military lifestyle isn't meant for everybody. I am strong and as my wise grandma always says... "this too shall pass".

I feel ya mother nature